Sermon Title:  Overcoming Anger

Sermon Text:  Matthew 5:21-26; 38-48

Sermon Date:  May 21, 2006

Matthew 5:21-22 – from Eugene Peterson’s “The Message” via www.biblegateway.com 

 

"You're familiar with the command to the ancients, 'Do not murder.' I'm telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. Carelessly call a brother 'idiot!' and you just might find yourself hauled into court. Thoughtlessly yell 'stupid!' at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire. The simple moral fact is that words kill.

 23-24"This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.

 25-26"Or say you're out on the street and an old enemy accosts you. Don't lose a minute. Make the first move; make things right with him. After all, if you leave the first move to him, knowing his track record, you're likely to end up in court, maybe even jail. If that happens, you won't get out without a stiff fine.

38-42"Here's another old saying that deserves a second look: 'Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.' Is that going to get us anywhere? Here's what I propose: 'Don't hit back at all.' If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.

 43-47"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

 48"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."

 Sermon

            You know, Jesus asks a lot of us.  Just in these verses we are asked to control our anger, not hold a grudge, treat each other well, don’t try to get back at someone who has wronged you and love those we don’t want to love. In other words, Jesus asks us to live in ways that please God. I mean, what was Jesus thinking to ask so much from us?

Let’s begin by watching a video.  It is a personal story from Garrett Zambrows.  Many of you know Garrett, son of Rod and Shawn.  Garrett has just finished his freshman year at LeHigh University and is running track as he did for West Lafayette High School.  He is going to share with us, via the miracle of video, a recent experience he had.

            For those of you reading this….here is Garrett’s story:

“Less than three weeks ago I ran in the Patriot League Track and Field Championship meet representing Lehigh University.  Our team had been surprisingly successful during the meet, and we were ready for the final, and probably most exciting, race of the meet: the mile relay. 

The relay teams from the Army and Naval Academies were really hot that day.  By the time I got the baton for the second leg, they were far out in front.  They were still running with each other on the anchor leg and, as you might expect, it got pretty rough.  As you might guess, the rivalry between the two academies is pretty intense and we could see it clearly in this race.  Beside the rivalry, there was a lot at stake because our conference champ gets to go to North Carolina to run in the NCAA Regionals.  So they’re bumping each other and throwing elbows at each other the whole way around the track.  We were a distance third by that time with a comfortable lead over fourth place Bucknell and fifth place Holy Cross we were pretty stoked that we’d be winning a medal.  We couldn’t wait to hear the results…

 Well, the results were delayed because officials were raising red flags all the way around the track and the judges needed to sort everything out.  What was especially cool was the possibility that if Army or Navy was “DQ’d” (disqualified) we’d not only get a medal but 2nd place also gets named to the all-conference team.   

We waited over an hour and finally the results came over the PA system: “In 3rd place, Holy Cross …” I’m thinking: Holy Cow!  They moved up from 5th to 3rd place.  How could that be?   Did Bucknell get DQ’d, too?  “In 2nd place, Bucknell University …”  Oh no!  If Army or Navy got DQ’d, then we should be in 2nd place.  How did we get disqualified!?!  “And in 1st place, representing the Patriot League in the NCAA regional tournament, Lehigh University …”   

And we all went nuts.  We were the Conference champs.  We’d get to run in the NCAA Regionals.  But what that meant was that both Army and Navy had been disqualified.  Just think, one of them throws an elbow, the other gets mad and bumps him back, and pretty soon they are so angry that they’re duking it out the whole way around the track.  It was so flagrant that they were flagged by two different officials on opposite ends of the field.   

And so that’s what happened.  We moved from 3rd place to 1st place because those guys got so angry that they forgot to run the race.  We get to go to North Carolina and run in the NCAA’s and they … they get to stay home…”

Imagine what those two runners were feeling as they fought each other while running in the race.  Imagine how they felt when they were disqualified.  Imagine how they felt when they had to face their teammates later.

There are consequences when we can’t control our anger.

In our passage today, Jesus is saying that we must not allow anger to control us.  Even Jesus would probably say there is a time to have righteous anger at something like slavery, but not at someone.  Jesus is talking about when you are angry at another person.  Talking about when let your anger take control of you, if you allow the anger to provoke you into doing something rash or harmful to someone else….well, that is when Jesus says we are in danger of hellfire.  Even calling someone a name is wrong. 

So….sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me isn’t exactly true.  But we already know that.  The words hurt the one who hears them but words also do great damage to the one who says them.

This isn’t new information to any of us.  We have been told since we were children that letting angry get out of control is wrong.  We have been grounded for it.  We know better.  We really do.  We can know in our heads what and how we are supposed to do, but we aren’t always very good with the application. 

So this morning let’s think about what anger does to us as individuals and how we can control it.

There are different levels of anger.  We often think about the anger of the terrorists who killed on September 11, 2001.  We think of those whose anger has led them to walk into their former place of employment and kill their boss and coworkers.  We think of anger that is unleashed and children are killed by their parents, wives by their husbands, and parents by their children. 

Fortunately this isn’t most people.  Most of us will never kill another human being, but our anger can led us to killing the spirit of another with words and actions.  Anger can led us into severed relationships and damaged psyches.  Anger can led us away from God’s desire for our lives.

Let’s face it:  Anger is bad for your health.  Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," (Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger). Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. (apa.org)

Some experts believe that suppressed anger is an underlying cause of both anxiety and depression. Anger that is not expressed can disrupt relationships, affect thinking and behavior patterns, and create a variety of physical problems, such as high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders, and digestive problems. And when anger stays inside you one can become a bitter, bitter individual.  Bitter about being passed over for a promotion.  Bitter about being rejected by a spouse.  Bitter that a sibling seems to “have it all.”  And the bitterness eats away at your soul, much like acid can eat away at anything, leaving behind ruins.  And the acid can cause physical problems when you refuse to deal with these problems and accept responsibility for how you handle the problem.  The cause of the conflict may not be your responsibility, but how you deal with it is. 

Anger hurts our relationships with others.  Garrett’s story was a great example of how our actions hurt our teammates, but there was a great example in Friday’s newspaper in Annie’s Mailbox:

“Steve in Illinois” had a best friend Larry. They had a great relationship and shared all their thoughts.   Larry had a cousin Bart whom Larry called a giant dirt bag.” 

Ten years ago Larry proposed to a great gal and Steve was happy for him and excited about being Larry’s best man.  But the invitation never came.  Finally he asked Larry and Larry admitted that the wedding was family only and that Bart would be his best man.  Steve says, “He invited me to attend the reception.  That was the last time I spoke to Larry.”

Two months later he got a special invitation to attend the wedding as a witness but he didn’t reply, nor did he attend the bachelor party or the reception.  For these past ten years he still can’t get over being replaced by a “giant dirt bag.”  He wants to know how to get past this.

Annie gave him a hard time for not being there for his best friend, obviously pressured to keep to the family only rule.  He should have shown support and it still gnaws at him because he surely regrets it.  Her advice is for him to forgive Larry for not having more backbone and forgive himself for allowing this to come between them.  Ten wasted years. (J&C, Friday, May 19, 2006)

When we allow our anger to get away from us, we can damage relationships and hurt ourselves in the process.  Bitterness at being passed over for a promotion can destroy marriages when that becomes the focus of one’s life.  Bitterness at a sibiling who seems to “have it all” can destroy the relationship between brothers and sisters.  Bitterness at being rejected by a spouse can cause one to reject all other possibilities in life.   

This bitterness from anger also distances us from God.  It is hard to be in a good place with God when we are angry with someone.  That is why Jesus said to leave the altar and make up with a friend before making an offering.  That is why Jesus said we are to speak well to each other lest we find ourselves in the fires of hell.  It was important to the people sitting there listening to Jesus.  It is important to us today.  “Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."  Yes, it is that important.

If you are wondering why your relationship with God doesn’t feel right, check out your relationships with others.  Ask God to help you forgive.  Ask God to release the pain you are feeling.  Ask God to give you the courage to find the help you need to move ahead.

            I won’t end this sermon on the note of hopelessness because we can change our lives.  We can overcome and control the anger inside us.  We have to be open to getting rid of the anger though and be open to letting God and others to help us.

Redford Williams, an internist and behavioral specialist at Duke University Medical Center has developed a 12-step program that can help people learn to deal with their angry emotions:

1.                  monitoring your cynical thoughts by maintaining a "hostility log." This will teach you about the frequency and kinds of situations that provoke you.

2.                  Acknowledge any problems in coping with anger.

3.                  Seek the support of important people in your life in coping with your feelings and in changing your behavior patterns.

4.                  By keeping your hostility log you are able to realize when and where you are having aggressive thoughts, so that when you find yourself in these situations, you can utilize such techniques as deep breathing, positive self-talk, or thought stopping, which can help you interrupt the anger cycle.

5.                  Put yourself in the other person's shoes. This will help you gain a different perspective. Keep in mind that we are all humans, subject to making mistakes.

6.                  Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations.

7.                  Learn how to relax. Although you may have heard that expressing anger is better than keeping it in, remember that frequent outbursts of anger are often counter-productive and may alienate others.

8.                  It is also important that you practice trusting other people. It's usually easier to be angry than to trust, so by learning how to trust others you are less likely to direct your anger at them.

9.                  Good listening skills improve communication and can facilitate trusting feelings between people. This trust can help you deal with potentially hostile emotions; reducing and possibly eliminating them.

10.              Learn how to assert yourself. This is a constructive alternative to aggression. When you find yourself angry at another person, try to explain to them what is bothering you about their behavior and why. It takes more words and work to be assertive than it does to let your anger show, but the rewards are worth it.

11.              If you live each day as if it were your last, you will realize that life is too short to get angry over everything.

12.              The final step requires forgiving those who have angered you. By letting go of the resentment and relinquishing the goal of retribution, you'll find the weight of anger lifted from your shoulders.  (www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html)

I have handouts of these suggestions if you’d like one – in the narthex.  Feel free to take one for you or for a friend. 

The important thing is to recognize when anger is a problem and seek the help you need to deal with it. You see, Jesus had our best interests at heart when he talked about this a long time ago.  And through the grace of God, through help from others and the desire to change, we can deal with anger or whatever other problems are affecting our lives.  Jesus wants the best for us – good health, fulfilling relationships and a deep relationship with God.  That is what “having it all” is all about.